How to Transition In Life With Peace

Life is full of transitions.  In fact it all starts when we have to make the transition from the wonderful and peaceful life of pre-k childhood, where our days are jammed pack with playing with our Hot Wheels / Barbies, watching our favorite cartoons (SpongeBob), and eating Snack Packs (Tapioca pudding, yum);

and transition to the world of Kindergarten.

The rest of our life is full of transitions. We transition to higher levels of education, from education to the work force, from family homes to taking care of our self, from job to job, from relationship to relationship, and many many more.  As we all know the the transitions continue and sometimes they are under our control and sometimes they are not.  Knowing that life is full of constant change and challenge and that we have control of some and we don’t have control of others, it is imperative that we have the ability to work through these transitions with peace (which we all have the ability to do, despite how hard the transition might be).

I believe that living our life in peace, should be a human right that we are all deserve to have.  When we are living in peace, we are not only happier, but we also are more likely to show up as our best self, thus making the impact on the world that we were designed to have.  While in theory it seems simple:

“Just make the decision to be peaceful.”

We all know the solution is not that easy.  So many situations in life happen that can throw us off our game and thus impact the peace that we feel in our heart and soul.  One of those situations is the immense pressure, anxiety, and fear that comes when we transition from one phase of our life to the next.

My Story of Transitioning without Peace & The Impact It Had In My Life

I had always identified myself as an athlete, specifically a basketball player.  My entire life was consumed by sports and any free moment I had growing up was either spent shooting hoops, hitting baseballs, kicking a soccer ball, swinging a tennis racquet, or missing putts on the green (I am not a good golfer).  I ended up playing college basketball at Arizona State and then turning into a professional athlete when I started competing professionally in international basketball leagues (Japan, Korea, Argentina, Venezuela, and more).

The big transition came when it was time to make one of the biggest decisions of my life:

“Do I continue my professional career overseas or do I come back and get a job here in the United States.”

In all honesty, I was not ready to finish playing, but I had just had my second child and my wife at the time was was pushing me to retire and so that we could move forward with the next phase of our life.  It was apparent that the days of my family traveling with me on my adventures overseas was coming to an end, so I had to make the decision between:

Keep playing basketball and be away from my family.  Basketball was what I have always done, I always wanted to do, the passion I attached my self identity too, and it was my love.

or

Retire from playing, stay in the United States, work a regular job, and spend time with my kids (whom I love more than anything).

I ultimately chose family and I hung up my sneakers.  From this day forward one of the biggest transitions happened in my life and I can tell you that I did not handle it well. I struggled to find a job that I was passionate about, I compared everything to how I felt as a professional athlete and nothing compared.

and I emotionally fell into severe depression that I attempted to hide for years. Eventually the jobs I had did not work out, my relationship and marriage fell apart, my finances seemed to have disappeared, and my depression got worse.   In a nut shell I was a complete mess.

So…..some of you are probably thinking:

 

“Who is Justin to be telling me how to move through transitions, when he so epicly failed in his major transition.”

To this I answer:

“This is exactly why I am qualified to write this blog.”

I honestly believe that in life we either win or we learn (we don’t lose).   When we go through experiences and “epicly fail,” if we stay conscious, aware, & intentional it will be these experiences that turn into defining moments of real life education that can impact our life in insanely powerful ways. Along with my personal experience of transition; I have also spent countless hours researching and training on these topics, I have shifted the way I personally transition through life situations, and I also coach athletes on how to transition to life after athletics.

Here Is What I Have Learned Through My Life On How You Can Transition In Life With Peace

Next time you have a major transition happen in your life:

• You retire from your sport.
• You move away from music to take a full time job.
• You end a relationship or marriage.
• Your entrepreneur project fails and you are forced to get a job or pivot.
• You leave or get fired from a job.
• Etc.

5 Steps That Will Help You Transition In Life With Peace

Step 1: Let Go Of The Past

The past is no longer real.  You can no longer manipulate it, change it, or impact it.  The only thing you can do is learn from it.  Unfortunately for many of us, we are stuck in the past.  We are reliving moments from the past that impacted us, often in a damaging way.  Science has shown that when we live in past fearful thoughts it has a real impact on our present physical state.

Cool article that talks about how fear impacts our brain.

Holding on to the past, pulls us away from the present, and it hinders our potential to have peace, happiness, and success in the future. So do yourself a favor and Let Go!

Step 2: Remove Your identity From Your Past & Honor Your True Identity

This goes along with step 1, but taking a deeper dive into letting go of the past, we must let go of our identity from the past experience, profession, relationship, etc. & we must honor who we truly are. To have peace and success in the next transition in our life, we need to let go of the past perception we had of our identity.

A valuable lesson that I learned through my journey was that my identity is not a thing. My identity is not someone else.  My identity was not a sport.   As much as I loved basketball, I was not a basketball player, I was a hardworking, committed, passionate, tough, loving person who chose to use those gifts and play basketball.   So if you are making this transition, remove your identity from the thing you are moving away from and call out all the character traits, values, morals that make you who you are.

Step 3: Learn From the Past

I believe that the past is only good for two things:

• To celebrate our wins
• To learn from our mistakes

Even with the value we can get from the past by celebrating or learning, I believe it is vital to make these dives into the past, quick pit stops.

Drop into the past and celebrate.  Drop into the past and learn.  We can’t stay in the past for too long, because it will pull us away from the only moment that is real, the present.

Try This: Use the past for what it is good for and learn and celebrate by using a journal and doing the following:

• Make a list of all the qualities that made you good at the past experience (sports, job, relationship).
  • Ask yourself the question: How can I use this in the next phase of my life?

• Make a list of all the qualities that caused you to not have success at your past experience (sports, job, relationships).
  • Ask yourself the question: How can I learn from this and take action to improve in my next adventure?

Step 4: Create An empowering Vision For The Future

Just like the past is not real, the future is not real either.  We can’t foresee the future, because it has not happened and it is not real yet.  We have the power and control to create the vision of the future that we want and the vision that will serve us.

Often people think about the future in negative and fearful ways:

“What if this happens.”

“If I do this, this might happen.”

All of these thoughts are illusions, because the future has yet to happen. We have not taken the actions in the present to create the ripple effect that will manifest the future.  Along with the actions that we control, there are also so many things that might happen that we have no control over, again making it impossible to know what is going to happen.

Knowing that these thoughts are illusions, why not create the future in our mind that we want?  Why not create an empowering vision for what our future will look like and then utilize that vision to create a necessity to take action in the now to make it a reality?

Check out this great article about how we can utilize visualization to create real impact in our present physiology.

Try This: Take your phone and record yourself talking about the future that you want.  What will you be doing?  How will you be living?  Who will be in your life?  What impact will you be having?  How will you be feeling?  Be as descriptive as you want and make sure that this is something that empowers you to take passionate and intentional action in the present.

Step 5:  Live In The Present Moment

This is really the only moment that is real.  The past and the future are only illusions that we are replaying in our mind.  The only time that our physical actions can impact our future vision is through showing up as our best self in the present moment.

Try This:

• Each day listen to the audio you created about your future.  After listening ask yourself “What can I do right now/today to make that future a reality?
  
  • After you get your answer, take action!
• Create a weekly learning & competence plan:  Each week on a Sunday, ask yourself “What do I want to learn, get better at, or build my competence in this week?” 
  • After you get your answer, take action each day during the week to execute.
• Show Gratitude:
  • At the end of each day ask yourself a simple question: “What or who am I grateful for today?”

In the end we don’t want to just transition, we want to transform and live the life we have always dream of living.

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